Visiting a Foster Family

published on 1/14/10 2:38 PM

Photo: Архив

Milena and Ivailo Dimitrovi from Sofia have been a family for 15 years now. They have only one son, despite their love for children. Comment on the reasons why is usually avoided. They simply say: “Destiny, as well as social realities in Bulgaria through the transition years.” Milena thinks that it is too late now for her to give birth to a child. However both of them continue to dream of other children in the house who will break the “Mom, dad & me” stereotype. This is how they came to the idea of foster parenting. Generally the procedure for this is an aleviated one, compared to adoption, although it takes months too. Thus they came across the “For Our Children Foundation”, whose representatives deal with foster parents’ preparation and also the popularization of foster families in Bulgaria. And now the Dimitrovs have three sons, one of them a colored boy:

“I can say that we did change their lives in a positive manner and they changed ours, too – Milena Dimitrova says. – There were difficulties, especially in the beginning, but we got through them with the social workers’ assistance – they supported, guided, motivated us… It is very important for a future foster parent to meet people, honest in their support, who would not save details for all the difficulties in raising kids that come from a state institution.”

Foster families’ popularity is still growing slow in Bulgaria. There are two options for foster care – volunteers, such as the Dimitrovs, or professional care. In the second case foster parents are paid by the state and they sign a contract, which obliges at least one of them to take foster parenting as a full-time job. However the payment – EUR 150-200 per month is quite unattractive to many Bulgarians. Along with administrative troubles, this creates more difficulties for the foster care process in Bulgaria. Another paradox is that there are families, approved for foster parenting with no children accommodated with them. According to “For Our Children Foundation” data, a total of 218 children were being raised in foster families in the middle of 2009. 36 families living in the capital city of Sofia are being prepared now to become foster parents. They were only 5 in the end of the previous year and we are talking about a city of almost 2 mln. citizens! “People often cannot accept foster care, they cannot realize what it is like… Our narrow-minded fellow citizens are even more shocked when they see a black child in a white family. Puzzled and misunderstanding glances often follow us in the street. I have several set phrases to explain them what this child is different with…” Ivaylo says, adding:

“I have the custom to become a year smaller than any child, I am in a company with. Thus I can see the world their way. Children are usually born with their own character and parents should not design their ambitions and life expectations on them – at least that is our family’s attitude. We come only to observe the kids, to take care of them and help them, when necessary. It turns out that our obsession with material world – last brand cars, mobile phones, apartments, etc. – has disconnected us from the meaning of life itself. You need to be able to sit down and draw with the kids, do a puzzle with them, explain them about the Earth, and the Moon and the stars, show them how to cross the street… And once you’ve forgotten about the material world, and everyday life, you discover nature, happiness from communication, from a shared smile – things that do deserve our attention.”

Milena has made a list of things that the two kids say they’ve never done before entering their foster family:

“Can you imagine children that had never used public transport, eaten ice-cream, gone in the mountain or at the seaside, slidden or ridden bicycle. They had never known that a dog could be a friend, along with other kids, they had never gone to a movie, they knew nothing about home appliances – cooker, washing-machine, etc.” – Milena says. They were extremely curious about other women in the neighborhood hugging and raising their babies. They didn’t say “Good morning” or “Good afternoon”, they had never visited a dentist, they didn’t know that people die and are buried. We lost an elder relative not so long ago and they didn’t know how to react. They didn’t know how to make a fire, how to choose their clothes or their toys. They had never celebrated their birthdays. It is a long list. It shows only part of what is to be raised in a state institution and then taken to a foster family. I hope that more Bulgarians decide to help such kids live through at least part of the things from the list. Our final goal is to see these children as persons, to help them feel the warmth of the home they never had.”

English translation: Zhivko Stanchev

По публикацията работи: Diana Hristakieva

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